remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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