Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
