I think I died a long time ago.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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