On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
