So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize