Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
