Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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