apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
