This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
