The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
