She is in my trunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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