So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
