U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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