If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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