Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
