The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
