i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
