4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
