Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
