I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
