Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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