The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
