I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
