It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
