I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
