Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'd cum for enchiladas.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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