My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
