I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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