Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
