He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
