Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
