so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
