Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
