glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
