she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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