Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
