i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
