I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
