you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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