Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
