I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
