Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
