I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
