he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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