Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
