Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
