He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
