Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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