I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You ruined the universe
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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