Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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