Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize