1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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