I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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