obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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