honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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