Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
