I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
