well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize