My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
