mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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