I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
