At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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