I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
