she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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