Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
