I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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